What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
