my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
