i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
