You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
