Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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