i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
