paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
