I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
