I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
