it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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