she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
