Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
