He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
