Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
