I feel great
I just peed on a car
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
