you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
