worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
