he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
