Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
