Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
