I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
