i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
