Just fell off a train. Bad.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I stole a fireplace last night.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
