i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
