She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
