we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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