thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
