apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
