this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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