My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
