I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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