let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
