Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
