I murdered the dance floor call the cops
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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