That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
