Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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