saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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