Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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