Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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