I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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