I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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