if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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