Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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