She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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