Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
