I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
