Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
