So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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