You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
That reminds me...we need to get swords
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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