you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
